Creating New Traditions: What to do for the holidays when you have decided to go No Contact or Low Contact with your family
- posted: Dec. 03, 2022
The holidays are coming and for some, it is a time of joy and togetherness. For others, it is a time of resentment, hurt, and anger resulting from family estrangement. For those of us in this position, it's most often the result of years of gaslighting, stonewalling, emotional abuse, and being the proverbial Black Sheep of the family.
If No Contact or Low Contact has been your choice this year, it may be time to rethink the holidays for yourself. I know, this can be tough. with the Networks: Lifetime and Hallmark, Disney, and social media platforms, if you engage in these platforms or movies, all around you are scenes depicting faces of togetherness. It's hard to see all those curated images with the accompanying music and not have it cause you to feel even lonelier, more abandoned, and rejected. Here's a nugget I keep leaning on, "Don't compare your insides to other people’s outsides, you will always suffer in the comparison". Remember social media and movies and the other things we see are all deliberately crafted to elicit an emotional tug. We don't have to be hijacked by these images and sounds to only believe we are defective, unwanted, or alone.
So, this year consider creating new traditions for yourself. It may be hard to even think about how to do this, so let me help you. It is time to focus on you.
Nurture yourself- Get a weighted blanket, your favorite tea, a candle, and bath bombs. Have available items you can use to nurture yourself and surround yourself with sensory comfort.
Get a companion pet or borrow one.
Borrow a friend or family’s children to sled with, decorate your tree, make Christmas cookies, play games, or do whatever your child self wants to do. Seeing this season through the eyes of children will remind you of the magic of the season.
Volunteer- There are organizations that can help you find a cause that fits you. Volunteer Match, The United Way, and Family-to-Family are some of the sources to find a place to volunteer. Some Adult Homes may be happy for you to visit with someone who doesn’t have a family. The SPCA in your area or animal rescue and pet foster families may appreciate your help as well.
Travel-close or far
Create a place for others like you- Hold a holiday celebration for you and guests in a similar position as yourself. If you don’t want to host, connect with churches, 12-step groups, or senior citizen homes. Through these organizations, you may find others in the same situation.
Get a new book or movie or watch a series you have been wanting to watch.
Start a new hobby, sewing, painting, knitting, or woodworking. Whatever strikes your interest. If you don’t know, maybe now is a time to explore a new hobby.
Go outside- Find a place to hike, ski, sled, or bike whatever your local weather allows.
Take a weekend getaway to a resort, and enjoy a jacuzzi, a massage, and a sauna.
Clean out your home of the things you no longer want or use. See what you can donate or gift to others
Is there a project you have been putting off? Now is the time to start it.
If you are struggling with depression, grief, and sadness, try meditation or try Tony Robbins Morning Priming Practice.
Get some coloring supplies including an adult or child’s coloring book. There are so many new and different types of crayons such as metallic and glitter. Get something you really like.
Get a journal and some cool pens or markers. On the first page do a gratitude list.
Play some music, and dance in your living room. Use music that matches your mood or if it feels like you are too depressed, listen to uplifting music.
Buy or borrow a Karaoke machine and sing your heart out. This is very therapeutic. Find songs that match your mood or if it feels you are too depressed, sing and move to uplifting songs.
Move your body. Take a dance class, Yoga, or gymnastics. Try something new and different.
Learn something new, start to learn a new language, how to play the guitar, or any other cerebral escapade that interests you, or maybe one that doesn’t. Do it for the challenge.
Go to the Dollar Store and let your inner child buy what it wants. Maybe your inner child misses playing with bubbles, or you want a new very different nail color. Maybe you would like a figurine to paint. Honor your inner child’s desires.
Now you have a start to creating new holiday traditions. Choose a few and decide what one(s) you will want to do year after year. As time goes on and you find and create your new family, you will have traditions they can be involved in as well.
Being estranged from family is a very difficult choice. I know all too well. It is not a decision made lightly. Gently guide your thoughts to; how can I nurture myself, take care of myself, and be loving to myself. Then, DO THAT!
You deserve a Happy Holiday!
- posted: Dec. 03, 2022
The holidays are coming and for some, it is a time of joy and togetherness. For others, it is a time of resentment, hurt, and anger resulting from family estrangement. For those of us in this position, it's most often the result of years of gaslighting, stonewalling, emotional abuse, and being the proverbial Black Sheep of the family.
If No Contact or Low Contact has been your choice this year, it may be time to rethink the holidays for yourself. I know, this can be tough. with the Networks: Lifetime and Hallmark, Disney, and social media platforms, if you engage in these platforms or movies, all around you are scenes depicting faces of togetherness. It's hard to see all those curated images with the accompanying music and not have it cause you to feel even lonelier, more abandoned, and rejected. Here's a nugget I keep leaning on, "Don't compare your insides to other people’s outsides, you will always suffer in the comparison". Remember social media and movies and the other things we see are all deliberately crafted to elicit an emotional tug. We don't have to be hijacked by these images and sounds to only believe we are defective, unwanted, or alone.
So, this year consider creating new traditions for yourself. It may be hard to even think about how to do this, so let me help you. It is time to focus on you.
Nurture yourself- Get a weighted blanket, your favorite tea, a candle, and bath bombs. Have available items you can use to nurture yourself and surround yourself with sensory comfort.
Get a companion pet or borrow one.
Borrow a friend or family’s children to sled with, decorate your tree, make Christmas cookies, play games, or do whatever your child self wants to do. Seeing this season through the eyes of children will remind you of the magic of the season.
Volunteer- There are organizations that can help you find a cause that fits you. Volunteer Match, The United Way, and Family-to-Family are some of the sources to find a place to volunteer. Some Adult Homes may be happy for you to visit with someone who doesn’t have a family. The SPCA in your area or animal rescue and pet foster families may appreciate your help as well.
Travel-close or far
Create a place for others like you- Hold a holiday celebration for you and guests in a similar position as yourself. If you don’t want to host, connect with churches, 12-step groups, or senior citizen homes. Through these organizations, you may find others in the same situation.
Get a new book or movie or watch a series you have been wanting to watch.
Start a new hobby, sewing, painting, knitting, or woodworking. Whatever strikes your interest. If you don’t know, maybe now is a time to explore a new hobby.
Go outside- Find a place to hike, ski, sled, or bike whatever your local weather allows.
Take a weekend getaway to a resort, and enjoy a jacuzzi, a massage, and a sauna.
Clean out your home of the things you no longer want or use. See what you can donate or gift to others
Is there a project you have been putting off? Now is the time to start it.
If you are struggling with depression, grief, and sadness, try meditation or try Tony Robbins Morning Priming Practice.
Get some coloring supplies including an adult or child’s coloring book. There are so many new and different types of crayons such as metallic and glitter. Get something you really like.
Get a journal and some cool pens or markers. On the first page do a gratitude list.
Play some music, and dance in your living room. Use music that matches your mood or if it feels like you are too depressed, listen to uplifting music.
Buy or borrow a Karaoke machine and sing your heart out. This is very therapeutic. Find songs that match your mood or if it feels you are too depressed, sing and move to uplifting songs.
Move your body. Take a dance class, Yoga, or gymnastics. Try something new and different.
Learn something new, start to learn a new language, how to play the guitar, or any other cerebral escapade that interests you, or maybe one that doesn’t. Do it for the challenge.
Go to the Dollar Store and let your inner child buy what it wants. Maybe your inner child misses playing with bubbles, or you want a new very different nail color. Maybe you would like a figurine to paint. Honor your inner child’s desires.
Now you have a start to creating new holiday traditions. Choose a few and decide what one(s) you will want to do year after year. As time goes on and you find and create your new family, you will have traditions they can be involved in as well.
Being estranged from family is a very difficult choice. I know all too well. It is not a decision made lightly. Gently guide your thoughts to; how can I nurture myself, take care of myself, and be loving to myself. Then, DO THAT!
You deserve a Happy Holiday!